Memory Jolt

While cleaning out my closet today I got yanked back to a place I really didn't think I would ever go again. I found his CDs. I thought I had removed all traces of him,,and there he was. The first,,the young Mike,,so freakin young and beautiful. Incredible raw voice. Not yet wise enough or aged enough to have the soul that he sang with later. Boundless energy in that young Mike. Cocky and fiesty and so damn good. I remember the first time I heard him sing,,he brought his guitar over one lunchtime and just sang for me. I sat and marveled at the talent,,the beauty of the voice,,the beauty of the man. How could anyone sing like that? Sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace ,,music scattered across the table,,"pick two" he would say,,and he would sing for me. Lunches at the park,,singing,,listening,,brainstorming and analyzing. The many days and nights he would arrive guitar in hand to see what I thought about this version compared with that one. The second CD,,,God the memories. I remember us being in my bed and him drifting,,"there is a song in me right now". Holding me,,composing in his mind,,talking through what would become Wonderland. The tears in his eyes when he was formulating the words,,reaching for his guitar and working through bits of the music to go with the words his brain was spinning. Hotel in Dallas playing through different songs,,still working on Wonderland,,trying to build the new CD. Searching for the perfect songs. Asking,,have you written anything for her? Anything for Sam,,,and then hearing Sams Lullaby for the first time and knowing,,insisting it had to be on the CD. Never has a father loved a son like he does. The myriad of phone calls,,,which song first,,,too much bass?,,,cover design?? The recording sessions,,meeting before and after. Pep talks,,listening.
I sat and held the CDs for quite a bit trying to decide if I could listen to them or not. What would his voice do to me? Had it been long enough? Was it worth the risk? Of course it was. I loaded the CD player,,,pushed play,,,and let the wonder flow. Still the same amazing voice. Still powerful. Still magical. Still Mike. It has been long enough.

New security system at the house. It has a camera. A web camera. I can supposedly log in and view what's going on in my house from remote locations. Yeah right. I can supposedly send email from my cell phone too,,but you see that happening? Ok,,the upside to this whole camera thing,,I can come home and review what all has gone on in my house while I was gone. What I learned? The dogs do not come upstairs at all if I'm not here. The downside to this camera? It's always on,,got busted doing yoga,,lovely. Not exactly what you want to hear when you've just stretched your legs up and placed both feet behind your head. Friend bleeps in and says,,,Hey,,nice move. Great. Gotta be a way to shut that camera off. Gotta be.

Wrong Lady, Wrong Day

Lest there be any misunderstanding now or in the future,,let me clarify a few things right here, right now. If you attempt to engage me in battle of wits,,come armed. If you want to play bitch kitty,,know in advance you have met your match. If you think you can scare me, threaten me, intimidate me or humiliate me,,,think again. I cut my mental cannibal teeth on high priced attorneys in Armani suits. I have more attitude and intellect than you have balls or money. There are no skeletons in my closet for you to expose. I keep them on the patio so I can dance with them. You picked the wrong lady. See the look on my face? That's not a smile. It's not fear. It's contempt,,and loathing. Like my favorite line from my favorite movie,,Your behaviour is the signal I was waiting on to Unleash Hell. This particular version of Hell needs breakfast. You will do. It's been way too long since I had an inferior, lowlife, imbecilic bully of a scumbag to feed the fire in my soul. You've been warned. I would suggest you pay attention.

I do like this Pirate. His ponytail, his wee black pig, his swagger, his Texas accent with Scottish words, his monster truck, his smile,,wicked smile, his black scoot, his very soft, strong hands. I do, I do, I do like this Pirate. All pieces and parts of my Pirate. He leaves very soon. I think I shall miss him. Who am I kidding? I KNOW I shall miss him. He sleeps beautifully. Long hair scattered about the big bed. Feels good to have a man next to me. A hairy man that feels like a man in the bed. Sounds like a man in the bed. God help me ,,he even smells like a man in the bed,,and I like it. I've missed it. Being wrapped up in strong arms while I sleep. Having a very furry chest to nuzzle into. Someone to deliver coffee to in the mornings. Man sized clothes in the laundry to fold. He shares his razor,,amazing. Someone slap me,,I'm falling.